Today i Became Russian !

So ok, today it was time for the Maltese efficiency to proof me wrong or not.

I have pushed it to last minute to go and sort out my work permit, the last thing on it that no one can do for you, bhaaaa, our lawyers done the rest. I pushed it because I couldn’t see the fun part in going into Valletta, visiting the Castilian on krytches. Do you know how shit hard it is to go on krytches?
And at Malta, where payments are not smooth ever.
Anyway, so today I had to be done.
I was told by our key official to be early.I now understand why.

2 weeks ago one of my colleague was there sorting his permit out, and he told me they changed where to go so great, now I know straight where to go and it go easy peasy... yea right, well Malta hates me I know this, I just don’t know why am after all a quite nice someone, how can a whole country hate me?

Ah, well so why in earth I thought this be ok I don’t know.

First stop

Me: God morning am here to sort out these papers (showing them the papers)
Him: -Si ahhh Madam (WTF is it with this madam, am not 60!!! ) not here.
Me: Hmm.. I was told to go here, am I at wrong place, is this not door 2?
Him: Yes yes Madam (arghh madam??) but that was last week, now this week, door 5.
Me: Ohh ok.. Great, thanks!

I go to door 5 and start all over again, same sort of conversation just to find out I need to go to floor 2. OK! At floor 2 it’s crowded, how is that possible? They been open for like 20 min?

Ah well... I got to floor 2 door 5 and there I find out its door 2 not 5, no big deal, I get my form and fill it in 1 minute and say: done.
Mistakenly thinking this was easy.
The man says ok then you wait.

So I wait.
I got nr 45. Sick.
And outside this place they have a long line of chairs, and every time the person sitting on the chair nearest to the door get called in, EVERYONE has to move to next chair; I mean, COME on, why??

I dont get it, We got number thingy’s, if they call nr 45 and I don’t sit on first chair but on chair nr 15 DOES it really really matter?

Well I know when it’s possible to change things or not and I learned better then to argue with a Maltese, not possible. So I move, EVERY fuc**** time someone goes in I move, so I basically moved 44 times to another chair, lolaments.

OK, it actually goes quite quick, and lot of people to look at and make up sick stories about in one’s head so fair enough, am not bored yet. Even though I easily get bored.

NR 45!! whuuuuu...

Me: Hey!
Her: Hallo Madam (come on , no more Madam plssssssss)
Me: all filled and clear, here you go. Nock yourself out. (Didn’t say that ofc)

The woman start to look at the computer back and forward back and forward. She looks troubled, she looks in my passport, MANY times, and she takes off and on her little glasses. She shouts someone, he come, they look together, and discuss, in MALTESE so you know, loud and hysterical.
Everyone else in the room comes there too, looking shaking their head, Meskina, mella mella, ehh ehh ...

Me: pardon me, is there something wrong?

Mega insta ingore, no one even looks at me.

Me: hallooo,,, May I help you, is there any information that you have concerns regarding?

The lady answers me: yes Madam (arghhhh) your Russian yes?
Me: what? Come again please?
Her: Your registered as Russian with us but your passport says Swedish.
Me: well, that is clearly a mistake, am Swedish.
Her: No it says Russian.
Me: yes Madam (yes, payback) I heard you the first time but am telling you that is wrong, am Swedish. (am trying to be polite, cos its clearly a silly mistake done somewhere by someone, but am also starting to get feed up, and I worked 7 years at lansstyrelsen in Sweden so I know how long this can take to get sorted if one not kill it now as a human error)

Her: yes Madam but in our system you are not Swedish your Russian, so this need to be investigated. You do know it’s a crime to give false information to state department?
Me: huh? -you joking right? I have not given any false information, am Swedish, I never even been to Russia. Occasionally (couldnt really say often so little lie) I drink some vodka but no I am not Russian (the vodka joke did not go trough to her at all, so I guess no place to make fun)

Me: ok, look, I can bring you the originally papers for the application done in November, I can have them delivered here in 10 min from my lawyers office, is that what you will need to clear this or what can we do? Tell me what you need.
Her: Madam am not sure we can do much; you need to refill the forms and do over again. We can not use the old application.
Me: ( OMFG) No no, listen, that’s not necessary, I can provide you with he originally papers in case you lost them, they will clearly show I was as Swedish in November as I am now and as I was the day I was born, and that someone here in this office has typed in Russia instead of Sweden.
Her: it’s not that easy Madam.(FFS stop saying Madam)
Me: ohh yes, it’s exactly that easy. Its human mistake, it happens. But am not Russian, trust me on that.

She says she has to see someone, I guess authority to get this sorted. So she runs down the loooong corridor by all the chairs, in her funny shoes that make even funnier sound.Clip Clop, but not even, like one of the heels are broken,,, lol,,, i know, details, i got a damage brain. Sorry.

Well I understand so much as an electronic copy of the work permit is already issued based on the information they got and in that version am Russian
wuuptii so easy it is to change nationality!

Am sitting there waiting, nothing else to do. A lady coming in from the other room where they handle other kind of permits to deliver a paper stop by me and says:

- That’s a lovely perfume on you, Madam.

Then she walks out.

I just shake my head. WTF is going on here? Is it another episode of candid camera and Mr Peter Funt will pop up and say 'smile', well if so, am tired of them, they follow me around all over the world they gotta stop that.
Seriously, its harassment!

The perfume is funny actually; every time I got it I get someone saying it smells nice. Is that normal, walking up to someone saying her perfume smells nice on her?

For an example: When flying to London last week, the security guard at Malta airport told me, and then the lady scanning me for bombs told me and on the ICE party the woman walking around half naked ( a dancer so she was allowed, so you not all think we had a crazy something going on over there at ICE party) with her big yellow Python snake even asked me, and she said snakes feel body heat and scents and apparently the snake liked it too, it was klining all over me, going back to me every time she took it away, and it even bite a whole in my top whne she took it away, lol, funny, but it was a very beautiful snake, and the girl too for that matter so I let them keep on, but she asked too, - what perfume is that?

Week before Xmas I had lunch with some friends in Valletta, a waiter whispered to me !!! ( gave me the creeps) lovely perfume, what brand is that? I asked him why he wants to know, is it a xmas gift for the wife? Because then I could have consider, maybe to given him the name. He said he wasn’t married and stirred at me like a rabies drewling dog, so I said, ok well I don’t remember the name but I’d like to order a Salomon toast, snap closed the menu and gave it back and insta ignore rest of the lunch.

I will stop using that bloody perfume.

Ahh ok, now my lady is back with the verdict, am I Russian or Swedish?
Tam tam tam tam tam taaaaaadaaaaaaaaaaaaaa:

Her: madam, we don’t know, somewhere it’s been made a mistake
Me: yea that’s pretty obvious even to a blind person.
Her: I tried to cancel the idcard that are send to you will say Russian, if it comes just throw and I have issued a new one with the correct information.
Me: ok, so am not Russian?
Her: pardon?
Me: ohh no, sorry, Thanks so much for the help, that’s it, we done?
Her: Yes, everything comes in your letter box.
Me: great, thx! Have a nice day!
Her: Thanks Madam, you too and lovely perfume you got.

WHAT?????

I give up.

Good night

/a