Saturday, November 29

Malta, gaybar and a twisted ancle! All is normal :-)

Well i said it before but am still little puzzled how comes - i always end up in situations that clearly is odd!
Now it happen again, and my first blog for so long should really be about the move here to Malta and all that but i skip that. This is better :-)

ok, so.... saturdays and sundays is Tess day!
Meaning long long walks because its really nowhere for her to run lose in Sliema so we need to get outside and we made a deal we do that in weekends, she is cool and have visit more cafe'`s and been charming more waitresses last 2 weeks then in her whole life before so i think she is ok, they always give her something to eat :-).

anyway, jeans and sneakers and hoodie on (not very warm in afternoons) loud music in my ears and of we go! Calculating a 3 hrs walk or so.

But, There ís something one need to understand with walking in Malta, you HAVE to look where you put your fot all time, its really not flat and its holes and bumps everywhere and suddly for no logic reasons there can be a step down or up!
Yea you get it, right?

We came about 15 minutes from our home and then boooooooom, i twist my ancle so Fu***** bad, even though i had loud music in my ears i heard the cracking inside the ancle. It went all black to me and i had to sit down on the step that did it to me. Seriously, i have twisted my ancle so many many times, i got a crap one, injured it when i played volley on little higher levels back then 100 yrs ago or so and since then it dont need much to twist. But this was by far the worst twist i ever had. I actually honestley though i broke it. Great! who will i phone? Who will take my Tess for walks? Feck.

And it hurted so bad so all i wanted to do was to scream obcsene words like when your aces get cracked on river from someone holding 72 off or simular. I serious wanted to screm all the bad words i could, LOUD, i even think i could have created some NEW VERY bad words, for some reasons it seems to help.

But there where two sweet girls coming running to me screaming its broken. mama mia, we heard the crack of the bones! well what you also need to understand with Malta is that people regardless if they are happy, sad, angry or just simply want to say halloo, it sounds like they are facing their worst night mare, they are very loud :-) and typical italiano questures,, you get it ?

After a while, i been able to at least figure out that its not broken, i can move it and i can put preassure on it, as i said, i been trough this shit many times. So am trying to convince everyone ( more people have joined the crowd) its going to be ok, i just need to sit here a while. MAMMA MIA NO NO! Broke, Si Si, hopsitali, Bella please, Si Si??? You all white in face, TAXI!!!! well i can smile now because it all ended quite funny and am also more then little tipsy due to this.

They brought ice from the pub nearby and wanted my shoe off, quite a big drama when i refused, i know if i take it of i have to limp barefot home because no way in this world can i get it back on afterwards, and am not yet ready to walk trough my new neigbourhood in daylight with one shoe, am sure i get to that at one point or the other, have for sure happened before, but not yet.

(last time i walked home without shoes i woke up in my bed day after and when i toke my braw off a seeeeeerious sum of money fall out, it took me 6 months or so to find out where they came from, when i run into a mate saying shit you crushed the black jack that night lol so, black jack on the pub and no pockets to put the money in :-) and i have not even one scene of this in my head)

So please give me few more weeks before my neighbours think am a lunatic.

ok, i had to show them i could stand so i did, and blimey i almost fainted but smiled and said all goooood!.I know that even if its a bad twist in a few hrs it be better.So i just need to sit somewhere for some time, preferabel where they have coffie! And started to walk a little bit away from the group, they said crazy americano and keept on talking so the whole block could hear them- but thats just how it is down here. So i walk little bit and it really are getting up to me i can not get myself home right now, so i sit on a bench along the water and Tess is busy helping the fishing man and chasing some sun reflexes. I try to phone my freind down here, but i am actually in such pain i cant even press the phone proper, and am feeling like i have to throw up.

Then.. well and i still dont know how all this ended with me and Tess joining a gayman and his yves saint laurent freinds for some serious wine drinking but thats where we ended up.

After 30 minutes on this bench i just have to try to do something and I know there is a fancy coffie place just around the corner and say to Tess we need to make it there hope they allowe (some cafes dont like dogs even if sits outside) us to sit for a few hrs drinking coffie and then go home - deal? Yea yea whatever she seems to think, even though little annoyed leaving her fisherman, she really liked him. He pulls up small fishes for his cat (cant see how it can be worth the work really but hey hoe whatever makes his world rock) and he shows Tess the little fish everytime, and say something i beliave noone can understand, he got no theeths and I think he is like 95 yrs old or so.

So i make it there, and its late afternoon and Maltese people love going out after work having their coffie ect so its full, completley full. And i really must have looked devestated behind my sunglasses because one man, ah well man is maybe to over doe it, rush from inside to me and start hugging and kissing my dog, he just LOOOOOVES dogs, yea yea right, how come gay people just have to do that thing with their hands? do they get excluded from buying yves saint laurent and vercase bags else?

A blind and deaf person could see he was gay.

Anyway, he ask my name and dogs name, kiss my checks and invite me to sit with him and his freinds, a big group of people all wearing gucci, vercase and yves saint laurent looking like straight out of a magazine, but heeeeey i had a hoodie with "havefuen" on !!! He he... so without even waiting for an answer from me he just lift up Tess and carry her straight trough the whole crowded place saying, -Bella bella my scottish bella come with me! -Everyone, please meet TESS and Hanna from scottland (they dont know anna here, it is just as when i lived in africa, hanna hanna hanna) so i smile little and say hi, hallo, gooday and limp after him like a retard. People say -ohh your schottish, i try to explain no no am swedish but people say yes scottland nice nice so i give up. Yes scottland. Great, perfect, scottland! Nooooo problemos!

Ok finally at the table it is really some sweet lovley people, they order a steak for Tess, (waiter didnt blink even when they cut it in bits and put it on floor to Tess lol) and tell waiter to bring 4 more bottles of wine, waiter says same one as before? They get angry saying si si ehh?- you think we cant pay?? and a big discusion in maltese follows and i dont understand a word from. I take a glance on the winebottle they drinking and i know those bottles are not cheap. Well wine comes infront of me, my fot are placed high up and am already feeling better! They are sweet people, Marco is the gay one that got me thre and the others are couples and sisters, brothers, cousins and god knows what to him, i lost track of it. We sit there for 2 hrs, it gets cold so owner comes with blanketts, even Tess gets one to sleep on and life is actually quite ok, i lost track long time ago how many wine bottles came out to this table but it was quite a few.

Suddley Marco kiss both my checks and whispers -Scottish Bella i really need to get laid tonight. Ehh..... well your gay, i cant possible help you with that i think for myself. But before i have time to say anything, he stands up ON his chair and shouts:

-am gay and i have to get laid tonight! Si Si! - anyone joining for the gay bar?

His brother get angry saying he is making a fool of him self, marco says - i need to get laid, whats the problem? And are on his way up to announce that again, when his brother pull him back to the chair, and it would be an understatment to say it was not a loud discussion following. Marco want to borrow Tess to bring to the gay bar, he says all gays love dogs and he will get laid easy. He also announces he will call in sick to work tomorrow. GG NH. Well i dont think she like go clubbing today i say. He looks very sad in that very very typical gay way, and say maybe another day. yea maybe i say (Not likley).

Then he order cake. And when cake come he put the whole lot down for Tess- Si si Bella, Tess my best friend now! Omg...Tess is going to puke all night is all i can think but thank god she is used to odd things so she just wave her tail look at me like, whuuuuu malta great land, and eat the cake. I drink my wine and start to wonder how in the whole earth did i end up here?

One of the girls in the group insits holding my hand touching my nails and am so new to this culture am not sure if its just normal or what goes one, she is VERY pretty and got huge boops, yes sorry but she did. I mean maybe she is gay too, but sorry hun am really not up for some other sides experience tonight with this fot! But after an hr or so her friend explain, she cant speak english at all, she is visiting from Sicilly, but she wants to know where i make my nails, i say its my very own but they dont understand, so i just say i made them before leaving Scottland :-) she said ohhhh and ahhhh and keep on touching them. I let her do it, its like a free massage and spa treatment this, wine, massage ect.

Sooooo... if one looks at this from above, a random chick from "scottland" in a Mermaid hoodie, sits with fot high up, drinking wine with a burping /Sleeing dog under my chair, a gay man holding my one hand and every so often kiss my check shouting he needs to get laid and a very pretty girl holds my other hand study my nails, repeating very nice very nice. But noone seems to think any of this is strange so i guess C`e la vie Carpe diem! They all act like we known eachother forever. And tell me all sorts of things about themself and their families. Well as i dont want to join Marco to the "real" gay bar he drop me home so Tess and i got lift in a very nice car i can swear it never been a dog in that one before! Marco kiss me 4 times on my checks to say goodbye and on the very typical gay way, put his arms out and shout to the whole street: -Si Si Manwel Demech Street 32, i know now, i come visit my scottish bella and Tess.

And now i sit in my sofa wondering why these weird things happen to me ALL the time.

AND seriously its a reason why dogs should eat dog food, she already started to fart badley so my sunday tourneys will have be on the balcony!

Hep hep

C4Q & Tess

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